Deep down, you just want to be loved, in a way that calms your soul.

Advertisements

「把自己丟進荒野裡,是很容易的事,只要專心前進就好了。生命中最刺激的冒險,其實是在日復一日、枯燥殘酷的現實中,還能繼續保有相同的衝勁。平淡的日常,才是生命最大的挑戰。」

Everybody in the world is seeking for happiness. And there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness does not depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

腦筋有點結實,運作得不太好,想動起來寫幾句日常都感到不太靈活。nevermind, keep it short and brief.

1st female short call of year 2018 yesterday, not extremely busy. Was handed over a case with fever with hydro-pneumothorax with likely trapped lung, in a bedbound case. Did a diagnostic tap. Didn’t insert a chest drain. I don’t think I should if the chest thing is irrelevant. Let’s see.

She’s back, but i wasnt able to talk to her at all. It feels even worse than meeting a stranger. Maybe I’ll get used to it soon, although I dont really want to. But for whatever types of relationship, it depends how the 2 parties see each other.

Day 2 in renal feel a bit better. But i do feel terrible with the long stay cases without a concrete care plan. Spent the whole afternoon to drill on the piles of old notes. Yong is really nice. But i am really stupid.

尋日完成左2017 年最後一call, 而且係overnight. 沒有太多意外,但還是one night stand,只能夠在之間偷去一個兩個小時淺睡片刻,而且還是highly interrupted.

回港第三天,已經開始再感受到生活日常的威脅。將之描述為威脅並不誇張﹕那是一種對內心活動的異常消耗,精神萎靡。至此我還是沒能夠給自己找到一個完整的答案,去處理這個問題,即使心有不甘。在港的休息天,無論早一個晚上是甚麼時間入睡,又或者那早一天的工作量是何如,身體還是會拖杳到十一時左右才能活動過來。然而在曼谷的時候,即便是六、七點起床,亦不過是輕鬆的讓鬧鐘輔助一下就能做到了。要分析當中誘因,至少在思考裡我能夠給自己有這幾個方面的解釋,一是就生活焦點所言,旅行時候的每一天都有著不同的活動,都是感興趣的事,又或者新鮮的事,或帶著期待,或有些許挑戰。而且沒有多少時候思考是縈繞在他人的事上面,更多是集中在自己的身上。那是對於內心的探索,那是對於微小道理的思量,然後是一種豁然開朗的感悟。二是休息環境或質素而言,好明顯一點是那邊睡得較酣,沒有多少還殘存印象或情緒的夢境,或者光線,氣溫,空氣,濕度比較怡人?在那邊打噴嚏的情況明顯也少許多。

自由行與旅行團比較,多了不止一分游刃有餘的自在,而且是對旅程的掌握與操控。而一個人去旅行,更是隨心所欲,不需要為其他人多費心神,免卻許多擾人的思量,雖然,亦有些許時候,當你想在身邊找一個人去分享你當時當刻的感受與體會,又或者簡單一個笑話,卻只能夠孤芳自賞。即使有即時社交媒體的存在,我想還是永遠取代不了身邊的另一個人,所能夠給予的回應,意思是﹕一個人的視覺總有著盲點,但若然有能夠交心的另一個靈魂,他或她不止能夠給你彌補上那一片漏洞,且我相信更多時候,還能夠讓你的視野,在廣度以外,還帶來另一層深度。